I have what most people call a shame hangover. The best part is… I wasn’t drunk or under the influence of any kind. I was honest… and I like being honest. I strive to be a good, loyal human being, and maintaining honesty (in most situations) is the only way I know how to do it.
Not everyone likes honesty. I feel like I fucked up and I feel dark and I feel scared becauseI might have fucked up something good over something stupid.I do not like that. Past mistakes don’t need to be given any more validation or lip service than they already have. Nothing will come out of it… so why do I feel so vulnerable and ridiculous? Why am I hyper-sensitive to things that most people seem to be able to dust under the rug? I used to defend my sensitivity, saying that it made me a stronger person and a better friend, but today I don’t feel like that.
Sometimes, like today, I feel weak and immature and I am exhausted from feeling weak and immature. I just want to be numb. I just want to not care.
.. & I don’t like it one tiny bit.